the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
