Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
