i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
