i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
