they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
