how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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