I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
