Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize