She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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