guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
