Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize