Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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