i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
