he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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