I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
