How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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