I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
