i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
