But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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