I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
