i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
