I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Randomize
