i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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