So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mom said you looked used
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
