Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
