i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
