A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
