Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize