I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
