I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
