you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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