take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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