i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
