I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
