You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
