u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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