I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
