Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
