they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You are a genius and a whore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
