just come out here and I will go home with you...
Welp...herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
