hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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