He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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