Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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