Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
