I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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