You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
