Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
