I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
