Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
