We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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