The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
