my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
