dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
