I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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