He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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