I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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