gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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