I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need a beard to bite.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
