Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
