No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
