Your face is a jimmy john
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You've changed since you got that strap on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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