do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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