I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
