So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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