Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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