we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
