Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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