Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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