No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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