You don't have asthma, your pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
