toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
