I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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