I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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