why didn't you poke me back
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
