i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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