remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
